How to keep conversations with your partner alive
…because in a relationship, communication is everything.
There are no rules when it comes to what makes a conversation interesting, except that the people involved feel they got something out of it. Some people love having intellectual conversations with their partners; mental stimulation is the most important to them. Some need discussions that feel like an episode of Rendezvous with Simi Garewal (‘90s kids will know). And some people feel perfectly content with the most ridiculously hilarious conversations that exhibit the highest level of comfort they have with their partner.
However, there needs to be a constant flow of whatever makes you feel connected, because when it starts dying, you feel distant—and while geographical distance is doable, emotional is absolutely not. For me, it’s all about staying connected on a daily basis—if my partner isn’t aware of every character in my life, is he even my best friend? And I would love to know what they are up to, the little things that brought them joy, what stressed them out, and what they think about the ending of the series Class.
That said it’s not always that your conversations with bae will feel free-flowing. Sometimes, you will find yourselves in a phase where you feel short of topics, disconnected, and simply stuck in a rut.
But communication is the crux of human existence, and we need it to feel connected. If you’ve been feeling your conversations with your partner are dying, here’s what you can do to fix it.
Schedule time for your partner
We often feel uneasy and disconnected when we haven’t spoken to our partner for a while—I am not talking about just checking on them, or having conversations so short that they end before gaining momentum. No matter how busy your days are, make sure you remain consistent in your effort and take time out just for each other. You can have ‘us time’ during breakfast and have a nice long chat over chai, or you can end your day by speaking to them about everything that happened. But do it every day. Make a habit out of it; don’t let things get in the way. Sure, some days you won’t be able to keep up with the schedule, but as long as it is consistent overall, your communication as a couple will get revived!
Be a good listener
Having good communication is a lot about listening. According to a study, attentive listening is related to “higher relationship satisfaction”. This means that while you can be an amazing talker if you’re not a good listener, your partner will stop communicating as much as you’d like them to. You must make sure you are listening without judgement and not interrupting them. If they feel heard, they will be keener on sharing with you…and openly, at that. And if you’re on the receiving end of their poor listening skills, address the issue instead of shutting down.
Talk, talk, and talk
All you need is one truly exhilarating conversation to get the momentum up. Imagine you are on a date with someone new and you have no way out until you’ve gotten to know each other better. Tell them about things, even if you feel they are not as interesting. Ask them about their life, about that thing they were looking to buy, the gym they were going to sign up for, etc. Ask them about their childhood. Ask them about all the topics you know lights up their face. One good conversation will be enough to reignite the spark and then you can continue adding fuel to keep the fire burning.
Look inwards
If you truly feel unexcited about everything, it’s time to ask yourself why. Introspect and figure out if work is sucking the life out of you, if you’re feeling okay emotionally and mentally, and whether you are doing enough enriching things outside your relationship. Sometimes, when we are in a dull phase ourselves, we project it onto our relationship.
Revise your requirements
The honeymoon phase will have you talking all night, laughing at the silliest things, and not worrying about the sleep deprivation all of this will cause you. And, then, once you settle into the relationship, the frequency and the nature of your conversations change. Communication is important, but the connection is also about being comfortable with the silences. If you need a little more help, you can positively charge your relationship with crystals or even go for couples' counselling.
