Don’t believe the bad rep—here’s why ‘vanilla sex’ is actually pretty good

Birds fly, fishes swim and humans? We stereotype. I am not saying stereotyping is okay and ‘humans will be humans’ but while we are all guilty of it, as evolved beings, we must try to consciously stop doing so. According to studies, several youngsters indulge in sex, simply because they don’t want to be typecast as “uptight” or “boring”.  However, the only good reason to have sex is if you want to; no other reason will do. Similarly, the world has collectively shamed ‘vanilla sex’ so much that people feel pressured to get kinkier and try different positions, even if it means having to slather an analgesic pain relief gel all over.

Do you remember the episode of Friends, in which Phoebe assumes Rachel to be a “vanilla” sex kind of person? It riles her up as she goes to great lengths to prove how she has done several “crazy” and “wild” things! There is nothing wrong with kink. But there is nothing wrong with what they call vanilla sex, either. And you can happen to love one or both. Kink at will, not because that’s what the world has deemed as better sex.

What is vanilla sex?

Sex is subjective and everyone’s preferences vary. Some people love lighting candles and having sweet sex, while some love having those dripped on them. Vanilla sex often comes without additional frills such as domination-submission, roleplay, and more. Conventional sex may seem to be underwhelming to a kinkster, while too much kink may feel rather staged to someone who likes to keep it simple. Either way, someone’s vanilla (many people use it as a way to define boring sex) may be someone else’s go-to. 

When did vanilla sex become equivalent to unexciting? Here’s why if you love vanilla sex, you shouldn’t feel pressured to take it up a notch or feel embarrassed by it. 

It’s romantic and intimate

While vanilla sex is a term used for anything without extras and everything that is conventional, there is no reason to assume that it is non-intimate. In fact, it’s the opposite. Imagine, lighting candles, setting the ambience, and cuddling your way into round two! It’s romantic and gives you the time to actually experience the beautiful sensations, in your own way. 

Your focus is where it should be…and that’s enough 

You’re having sex, building intimacy, connecting with your partner and reaching climax. As long as you like it, it is more than enough. Your focus should be your sexual pleasure and not getting the award for the kinkiest sex.

Kink doesn’t equal satisfaction

Sure, getting your hands cuffed to the bed frame while someone goes down on you sounds like an exciting experience. But it’s not the only exciting one, and definitely not a one-size-fits-all. If you feel satisfied with the good ol’ missionary sex, while you look into each other’s eyes and kiss in a way that makes your soul dance, who is to say it is not satisfying? 

Slow sex brings better orgasms

The naysayers dissing vanilla sex have not read several studies that clearly point out that slow sex can overall upgrade your pleasure. It makes your foreplay more meaningful, and exciting as you delay orgasming, thus further enhancing the feeling when it does happen. It’s a fact. What they call vanilla is also very conducive to those big Os! 

You do you

Sex is a very personal thing and you should be able to experience it the way you like it. You will be able to maximise your pleasure when you feel more at ease and you have your heart in it. Unrealistic expectations can make you feel disappointed in your chemistry with your partner, or make you have self-doubts. In fact, vanilla sex doesn't mean not doing anything extra. Your sex life doesn't have to look like 365 Days for it to feel naughty! Don’t let the articles, cinema or your peers tell you how you should be sexing it up!