The confidence myth: Why so many successful women still feel like frauds

Walk into almost any room of high-achieving women and ask, “Who here has ever felt like a fraud?”, and you’ll see a sea of hands. In fact, in KPMG’s 2020 study of 700 senior women, 75 per cent reported experiencing impostor syndrome at some point in their career. You can be at the top of your field, leading teams, closing deals or running board meetings, and still hear that quiet inner voice whisper, “I’m not good enough.”

Impostor syndrome was first identified in the late ’70s by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, yet almost half a century later it feels more relevant than ever. Released last year, a survey by global consulting firm Korn Ferry of 10,000 professionals found that 71 per cent of US CEOs experience symptoms of impostor syndrome. Through decades as an executive high-performance coach, I’ve seen that at the heart of impostor syndrome lies perfectionism—not the healthy pursuit of excellence but a protective strategy against uncertainty. The human brain dislikes the unknown. Certainty keeps us safe. Perfectionism becomes a means to achieve that certainty and sense of control—if we’re perfect, nothing bad will happen; we’ll be admired. The problem, however, is that our brains are wired to focus on whatever we feel threatened by. This is called hypervigilance, a constant scan for danger. So, if we have a belief that we must be perfect in order to be good enough, then any flaw or imperfection registers as a threat. We end up focusing on everything that’s ‘not good enough’, while filtering out all evidence of success. Over time, this creates the illusion that we’re perpetually falling short, even as we achieve more, leading to impostor syndrome. And society doesn’t help. The world applauds perfection and women become conditioned to equate worth with flawlessness, so our nervous system never truly rests.

Clinically, impostor syndrome is a mix of performance anxiety (or the fear of making a mistake), and social anxiety (the fear of being judged negatively, rejected, or exposed as not good enough). In fact, research has shown that rejection activates the same brain regions involved in physical pain, particularly the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex and the anterior insula. From an evolutionary standpoint, humans are wired for connection. Social rejection once posed a survival threat, as being excluded from a tribe reduced access to protection and resources. The brain adapted by using the same pain circuitry to signal that something else essential for survival—belonging—was at risk. This explains why rejection can have a deep visceral impact and impostor syndrome can become entrenched. The brain’s alarm system, the amygdala, activates, and our inner critic steps in to keep us ‘safe’ by pushing us to over-prepare, over-work or play small. And every time we appease that voice, such as by rewriting the presentation one more time, deflecting praise, over-checking our social feeds or staying silent in the meeting, our brain learns that avoidance of uncertainty or expectation equals a form of short-term safety. The anxiety fades, but the belief I’m not enough unless...grows stronger.

So what’s the solution?
Well, it isn’t to try to silence fear. It’s to create space to choose how we respond. This is core to The Mind Strength Method, the evidencebased resilience and high-performance framework I have developed to help women move from anxiety to confidence, assertiveness, and influence. We retrain the brain to see anxiety not as danger, but as an underlying human quality that we use to ensure that everything goes well. It represents energy that we can harness.

Through my work coaching women of influence, I’ve seen that freedom from impostor syndrome isn’t about eradicating self-doubt; it’s about changing your relationship with it. Using The Mind Strength Method, we start with four powerful steps:

1. Awareness: notice the story your mind tells you when fear arises. Write it down. “They’ll see I’m not good enough.” “I was just lucky.” Labelling the story allows you to get some distance from it—you are not your thoughts.

2. Acceptance: don’t fight the feeling. Anxiety is your body’s way of preparing you for something important. Acknowledge it; breathe deeply; allow it to pass through rather than push it away.

3. Accountability: think about your ‘why’. Are you being driven by fear of something bad happening, which can tip us into people-pleasing, passivity or perfectionism? Or are you being driven by your values and strategic goals—your why, which provides sources for flourishing?

4. Action: confidence is built through doing. Take small, courageous steps: speak up at least once in the meeting, focus effort on what’s in your control, and be proud of yourself for the steps you’re taking. Each act rewires neural pathways for bravery.

Many women believe self-criticism drives success. Science says the opposite. Studies by Dr Kristin Neff show that self-compassion, or treating yourself with kindness instead of judgment, reduces fear of failure and improves motivation. When we’re self-critical, we activate the brain’s threat system. When we’re compassionate, we activate the care system, releasing oxytocin and endorphins that calm the body. In moments of pressure, compassion is not indulgence; it’s what steadies the mind for optimal performance.

While impostor syndrome is experienced individually, it’s amplified collectively. We live in systems that glorify output and downplay vulnerability. To truly change the narrative, we must build cultures across workplaces, schools and homes where authenticity is celebrated.

Leaders can model this by:

Sharing mistakes openly, thus normalising imperfection.

Rewarding learning, growth and collaboration, not just flawless results.

Making space for diverse leadership styles so no one feels like they don’t ‘fit the mould’.

Every time a woman in power says, “I’ve felt this, too”, she chips away at stigma and strengthens the next generation’s permission to lead boldly.

A Five-Step Reset Before a Big Moment:

1. Ground yourself: breathe out for six and in for four.
2. Label what’s happening: “This is anxiety”.
3. Reframe: “I’m here to contribute, not to prove my worth”.
4. Anchor to purpose: who benefits when you show up fully?
5. Act: confidence follows action.

Impostor syndrome thrives in silence. The moment we name it, we start to loosen its grip. Neuroscience tells us we can’t push away fear, which keeps us trapped in fight or flight, but we can change our relationship with it. When we learn to work with our mind instead of against it, anxiety becomes the energy to act, uncertainty becomes an opportunity for growth, and imperfection builds connection. True confidence doesn’t mean feeling fearless; it means taking action in the presence of fear. And that’s what influence really is: the courage to show up imperfectly and authentically, and connect with values-aligned action.

Dr Jodie Lowinger is a clinical psychologist, executive coach, keynote speaker and author of The Mind Strength Method: Four Steps to Curb Anxiety, Conquer Worry and Build Resilience. She is the founder/CEO of The Anxiety Clinic and Mind Strength Peak Performance Consultancy, helping individuals and organisations move from anxiety to action and build lasting confidence, influence and success.

IMAGE: Getty Image

This article first appeared in the January 2026 issue of Harper's Bazaar India 

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