#RethinkAgeing—there may be a better way to grow older

Older is bolder now, and how.

Manjri Varde, sixty-five, is one of them. This Goa-based artist is now an Instagram star with 1,00,000-plus followers and growing. Never hesitant in being herself, Varde sportingly experiments with her daughter-in-law, actor Sameera Reddy, to create content that is not just fun but also turns the age myth on its head. She is the doting grandma one day, the diva with the boots collection on another day and an artist whose creativity is at its peak now, on most days. She doesn’t hide her age but it’s never a constraining factor in the picture. She’s often praised by her followers on Instagram for her friendly and fun relationship with Reddy and her out-of-the box attitude that is ready to pose in a cowboy hat and also play doting grandma. "As you grow older, it’s time for breaking these small false stereotypes we have in our head," Varde tells us, in between stories about driving her daughter-in-law and infant granddaughter to Goa during the pandemic and her wedding-level preparations for making the Gujarati delicacy undhiyo. "It is important to live your life the way you want. I’m sixty-five and for many years I may have done what was expected of me. But in these sixty-five years, I’ve also learned and gained knowledge and perspective. Now with all of that, if I’m not able to share it, follow it and encourage my entire family, then I’m of no use."

Ageing is increasingly being seen as a time to redefine oneself. Embracing the advancing years instead of drawing a veil over it seems the new normal—globally. "The push to embrace ageing as a privilege rather than punishment is starting to feel like a movement," Carl Honoré writes in Bolder: How to Age Better and Feel Better About Ageing. Chronological age is losing its power to define and contain us he says, before sharing examples from New York City to Spain, of older people unafraid to start something new at sixty and beyond. Honoré isn’t exaggerating because this is a conversation that’s going global. Arnsberg, a city in Germany, even has a Department of Future Aging which looks at creating resources to empower older people to remain active citizens.

We may still be a long way off from creating such next-level systemic resources in India but we are certainly walking there. "How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?" says an advertisement by an online shopping aggregator, asking us to #chooseyourage. Old age, at least in the urban Indian environment, is shedding its conventional skin—moving on from the walker to walkathons.

Social change is now reflecting on our screens too. Actor Seema Pahwa recently directed Ram Prasad Ki Tehrvi, her first directorial venture at fifty-nine. The movie’s elderly protagonist, played by Supriya Pathak, quietly ignores the family arguing about her living arrangements to start a music school in memory of her late husband. Pahwa wrote the movie to reflect the much-needed changes in our mindset around ageing, something that she herself has lived by in her own life by becoming a director in her fifties. "We need to show more in popular media that there are possibilities to remain independent and productive as you age. It’s no coincidence that many films and OTT content are now showing independent older people. It’s a reflection of the times we live in."

The traditional thought that age is time to take a back seat, as the children expect Pahwa’s protagonist to do in the movie, is certainly being turned on its head, even if by a minority. People are taking risks, trying out new areas of work and actively pursuing things that will keep their minds buzzing and feet walking as they grow older.

Mirchandani (Devesh) and many others feel this progress is because of several factors. One is the improvement in health parameters due to medical science. The other is the disintegration of society as it was earlier. "In the joint family there was a clear definition of roles," Mirchandani explains. "Men went to work and were supposed to retire at a particular age; people had grandchildren around a particular age and women took care of the home. Now we have moved out of the joint family situation, more women are working and roles are no longer strictly defined." A doting grandmother herself, Mirchandani is there for her close-knit family but maintains her busy work life and social schedule, defining herself by what gives her a sense of purpose.

This is an excerpt from Chakraborty and Chawla's latest book, Rethink Ageing: Lessons in Ageing from the Older and Bolder Generation, with Penguin Random House India.