What is an empathetic narcissist—and signs your partner is one

You should know, they are more dangerous than regular narcissists.

Harper's Bazaar India

It’s safe to say most of us have been in at least one relationship where we felt invisible—like our feelings didn’t matter and we were an accessory to help ease their life. They take from us, they expect us to do things for them and act hurt when we don’t, but they fail to deliver, almost every time. 

They shower excessive love on you, and that’s how the relationship begins to get strong. You want to do the same for them and then you realise that it’s just you left in that. In fact, when you express your hurt, they just can’t seem to understand why you feel that way. Such people are essentially all about themselves. They are narcissists. But what are empathetic narcissists? And how can narcissists, who are known for their lack of empathy, be empathetic? If this sounds perplexing to you, read on. 

Sometimes, it may confuse you, is your partner empathetic or narcissistic? Here are a few signs that they are an empathetic narcissistic. 

They make things larger-than-life 

A narcissistic empathetic person will want everything to be grand and be the charismatic individual wherever they go. They want to be the centre of every interaction, even if it means stealing your spotlight on your day. For instance, on your birthdays, they will put up a great show, give you grand gifts, and even throw a party, just so your friends and you can offer them a bucket full of appreciation. If they don’t feel appreciated enough, they will not care about picking up a fight on a day that’s about you and not them.

They use their empathy to control you 

A regular narcissistic person cannot understand another person’s emotions while an empathetic narcissistic can. They are dangerous in the sense that they can read you, decode your emotional patterns, and use it to control and manipulate you. 

They victimise themselves

Empathy can be taxing sometimes because it drains you to feel other person’s emotions. But if they have the capability to do that, and make it all about themselves instead of genuinely sympathising with the person who is actually hurting, they are empathetic narcissist. If you are hurt about something that brings their vibe down, instead of consoling you, they will choose to not deal with it and make it seem like it is too much for them to handle. 

They love-bomb you

A narcissistic empathetic person will shower love on you, but just to keep you hooked. They will run errands for you because they want you to be at their beck and call in the near future. And just when you start doing things for them, their love stops.  

They violate your boundaries in the name of love

They don’t respect boundaries and instead feel entitled due to their superiority complex—all of this is done in the name of love. They will tell you that you two are so close that there need to be no boundaries. You will be asked to share your passwords, and whereabouts, and do things for them that you are not happy doing.  

Narcissistic empaths are dangerous because they can control and manipulate you. If you feel you are in a relationship with someone like that, you need to re-evaluate things.