How to master the art of networking—a foolproof nine-step guide

Josh Smith knows how to make good conversation. As a celebrity interviewer, chart-topping podcaster and author, talking is both his profession and superpower. Having already interviewed Victoria Beckham, Florence Pugh and Oprah, he recently shared the West End stage with Jodie Comer, interviewing her in front of an audience of more than 1,400 people. His book Great Chat, now out in paperback, is an accessible guide on how to master the art of sparkling conversation.

I have seen and benefited from Smith’s communication skills firsthand. We began our careers in the fashion industry around the same time and, over the past 15 years, our paths have regularly crossed at industry events. There is no one this man can’t charm, and no one who comes away from talking to him without feeling heard and boosted. He makes networking look easy. “The first thing people get wrong about networking is telling themselves they hate it,” he says. “That creates such a hurdle. I wouldn’t have the career I have now if I hadn’t become a good networker. I grew up in the middle of nowhere in an ex-council house with no connection to any industry, let alone fashion. When I started my career interning at magazines, I realised you climb the ladder by being a good communicator and learning to network."

Here, he shares his insights on how to become a superlatively good networker in this step-by-step guide.

Change the conversation you have with yourself

“This is the first step to becoming a good networker. Whenever I’m nervous to go into a room, I look in the mirror and tell myself, ‘I have something to offer, I am a valuable person. People should be interested in me. I am interesting. I am so excited to walk into this room.’ Nerves are an indication that you care, and I definitely still get them, but if you swap nerves and self-doubt with telling yourself that you’re excited, you’ll arrive 10 times taller and ready to connect.

“Confidence is what brings people to you. The brain doesn’t know the difference between the truth and a lie, so if you’re going into a room telling yourself you have something to offer, you are going to convince yourself and others you do too.”

Don’t underestimate the power of body language

“Your body language is doing as much talking as what you’re saying. Before I go into a networking event or a big interview, I stand straight, loosen my shoulders and roll my head and neck around a bit. I make sure I’m as upright as possible. I unfold my arms and take my hands out of my pockets. I convey a confident posture. If you walk into the room with your arms crossed, you are giving off signs that you’re either nervous or closed off.”

Leave your phone in your pocket or bag

“A lot of people hold their phones or pretend to be using them when they’re nervous. We use phones as an emotional crutch to get us through these events, but if you have one in your hand, then you won’t push yourself to get out there. Also, if you're holding your phone, you give off the subliminal message to whoever you’re talking to that their conversation is not as important as your device.”

Think of conversation as a sandwich (honestly)

“Conversation needs structure, which is really helpful if you feel nervous. If you think of a sandwich, you’re fundamentally there for the filling – you want the chicken and mayo—but you can’t get to that without the two slices of bread on each side. In terms of networking, the first slice is about building that first impression – warm ‘hellos’ and meaningful ‘how are yous’; it’s small talk. After that, you get to the nitty-gritty filling where you build that connection. The last slice is about creating a lasting impression. It’s saying things like, ‘it’s been so great talking to you about xx’. Honing in on a specific part of the conversation will make that person feel heard and prove that you’ve really listened.”

Be interested

“A lot of people forget to be interested. When it comes to work events, a lot of us ask basic questions like, ‘How are you?’ (too generic) or, ‘what do you do?’ The problem with the latter is that it indicates to the other person that you’re only interested in them for what they’re going to offer you, which can be off-putting. Instead, really listen to how they are, and follow up if they sound like they’ve had a hard day. Caring about people on a human level will get you much further. Try asking something like, ‘What’s the most exciting thing that’s happened to you in the last few weeks?’ That question makes people really engaged; it’s something you have to think about, and it shows that you’re really interested in who they are.”

Advocate for yourself

“Talking about your achievements is not boastful. If you’re at a networking event, and you’ve asked someone how they are or what they’ve recently done that’s exciting, and they’re not returning the questions, pick something they’ve said and relate it back to you. That gives you a safe platform to talk about what you’ve done and what you’ve achieved. It’s so important to remember your worth. Walk into the room feeling proud of what you’ve accomplished and share it; people are attracted to confidence and those who have something to offer. You matter.”

Stop telling people you’re so busy

“Productivity culture really needs to end because it’s such a barrier for connection. We can’t keep defining ourselves by how busy we are—we need to define ourselves through our personalities, or what we have to offer. It’s why I always avoid asking, ‘What have you been up to?’ because it inevitably elicits the business answer. If you ask someone about the most exciting thing they’ve done recently, you’ll receive a much better and more enthusiastic response. People like to talk about themselves, so if you give someone permission to do that, then they’ll be more enamoured by you and much more likely to connect. That’s how you change small talk into big talk.”

Do ask for contact details

“The best way of ending a conversation is, as I said before, to tell the other person how much you enjoyed a specific part of your chat, and that you’d like to talk more about it. Ask if it’s OK to take their contact details, and they will share something they feel comfortable with—maybe it’s their email or maybe it’s their Instagram handle.

“Don’t follow up straight away; wait until the following afternoon and message them to say that you loved talking to them last night and would love to stay in touch about xx. Or, if there’s something specific you want to discuss, explain that you’d like to take them for a coffee soon at a time that works for them. This gives them the option to drop out of the conversation or move ahead.”

Don’t berate yourself if it doesn’t go to plan

“If you know you’ve gone into that conversation and have really given it your best work, you’ve gone through the steps discussed here, and they’re still not giving you anything, it’s a reflection of them, not you. Never see it as your failure. Pick yourself up and head over to the next person—because they could be great. As long as you leave knowing that you’ve tried, then you should have no regrets.

“You won’t connect with everyone; it’s impossible. Remember that 90 per cent of the way someone reacts to you is to do with them; if someone is closed off to you in a networking situation, chances are it’s because of something going in their lives that’s preventing them from being present. The effort you put in is non-negotiable.”

Lead image: Harpers Bazaar

This article originally appeared on Harper'sBazaar.com


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