What does it mean to be a demiromantic

…and it’s not the same as being a demisexual

Harper's Bazaar India

Until a few years ago, everyone I knew could feel attracted to someone just by their looks. I could never understand the sexual attraction one would feel looking at a stranger in a bar. For me, someone being physically attractive was never enough to be physically attracted to them. That’s when I stumbled upon the concept of demisexuality—a sexual orientation wherein you can’t be sexually aroused by someone you don’t feel emotionally connected with—and everything made a lot of sense.

Many people will assume that a demiromantic and a demisexual are the same. A person may be both, but they are not the same; demiromanticism is when you get romantic feelings for someone only after connecting with them on a mental and/or emotional level. You may say that’s how it is for everyone, but it isn’t! 

Here’s what it means to be a demiromantic.

You don’t have crushes 

Some people may develop a crush on someone they barely know or feel romantically inclined towards someone they find physically attractive. Still, if you are a demiromantic, you may see them as much of a love interest as you see a lamp. People always wonder how you don’t have that many crushes, but unless you know a person’s childhood trauma, things that fascinate them, what dreams they harbour—nothing attracts you to their soul!

But when you love someone, you love deeply

Demiromantics don’t love quickly, but when they do, they are in it for the long run. They are not the type of people who would get distracted or bored easily by a relationship because they emotionally invest in a person before starting a relationship. The foundation of it is strong. They are sure that they like this person and, in all probability, have seen their dark, grey and unicorn sides before dating them! 

You can feel sexual attraction for someone without a connection

Many wonder, how a demiromantic cannot have romantic feelings for a person, but can feel sexually aroused by them. Well, sex and love are two different things. They may be mutually inclusive in several cases but can be poles apart in many. Demiromantics, unlike demisexuals, are capable of looking at a hot person and hitting them up with the nastiest ‘come hither’ look. It’s the relationship that means more to them, not some casual sex! 

Many of your relationships start with friendship

This is amazing in many ways because your relationship is not based on superficial things but on real, shared values. Friendship is an integral part of any romantic relationship, and the fact that yours started with camaraderie is wholesome. But there is a risk attached. If things don’t work out, you risk losing a friend as well. This makes many demiromantics extra cautious. 

Friendzone is a familiar territory 

If you’re a demiromantic, you’ve not only friend-zoned many people but also been friendzoned a bunch of times. Your need to establish ‘friendship first’ sometimes goes too far and it may happen that while you end up developing feelings, the other person may not. If there is any downside to being a demiromantic, it’s this and nothing else!