Six remarkable women share their experiences of motherhood

Motherhood: A transformative, awe-inspiring journey, and profound experience that leaves an indelible mark on the lives of women. It is a chapter filled with boundless love, joyous moments, and cherished memories, but it also comes with its share of challenges and insecurities. Weight gain, stretch marks and the way you look impacts the way you feel. However, the things women worry about at that moment seem so insignificant in the long run. This is the story of every mother who has taken a few moments to pause and consider her weight before jumping onto the treadmill of motherhood, where she just never stops.

However, when she catches herself in the reflection of the thousands of mirrors she passes by every day and sees herself as unsexy or not so beautiful, she does not blame it solely on motherhood. Our society often idolises unrealistic standards of beauty and these changes may lead to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity for many women.

In this heartfelt exploration, we delve into the lives of six remarkable women, each at different stages of motherhood. Their stories are a testament to the resilience and strength that comes with embracing the physical transformations brought forth by motherhood. From the miraculous changes that occur during pregnancy to the postpartum journey of acceptance and self-love, these women open up about their experiences, vulnerabilities, and triumphs. Through candid anecdotes and introspective reflections, we shed light on the diverse emotions and struggles that accompany motherhood—a reflection of how a woman’s perception of her body changes through her 20s, 30s, and in her 40s. These women share their very raw emotions of love, loathe, gratitude and resilience for their bodies. A feeling every mother can attest to.

Amrita Thakur, Fashion Designer

When Amrita Thakur, a fashion designer, curator and now a creator attended a party just 30 days after delivery, she was caught off guard by the amount of attention she got for looking petite. People asked her, “Were you really pregnant?” and that was traumatising for her. “There was this sinking feeling when I heard that because everyone saw my body 30 days postpartum, but not the way I healed 30 days postpartum. I had done zero work on the body but a lot of it at an emotional level because these are big changes. Our bodies have moved around so much inside to create space for this baby and we are not giving it any time to rearrange and come back to equilibrium.” 

Aware that different women have different bodies and go through different journeys, Thakur didn’t post any pictures on Instagram as it may have had a negative impact on some women struggling to get back into shape. Being petite and a woman with small breasts came with its own set of insecurities. Even after eating healthy, she could produce milk only for five months. After consulting her doctor and realising her body had done enough, she gave herself a break and just accepted it. “I was just so much in awe of what my body was doing and how it was changing and making room for everything. I was in awe of the science of it and also understood that it’s doing so much. I thought of giving back to it too.”

Thakur feels that women tend to overshare and compare their bodies and journeys with other women, but that it can have a negative impact on them. “Educate yourself instead of comparing, because comparisons are really terrible.” Thakur firmly says, “Let’s move away from this culture of embracing our bodies when we’re pregnant and trashing it once we give birth to the baby. Let’s continue to take care of it and nurture it because it’s the house you live in till you die.” Thakur’s relationship with her body has evolved so much after motherhood and it is very evident in the way she respects it today.

Metallic corset bustier, ₹18,500, and oversized single-breasted blazer, ₹17,500, both by Shweta Kapur at Ogaan; Limitless Aspire Earrings and C’est L’Amour Lace Eternity Band ring, prices on request, both Her Story.

Antara Motiwala, Style Curator

Having been in the fashion industry for over 15 years, working with publications such as Vanity Fair Italy and GQ India, Antara Motiwala says that nothing could have prepared her for the experience called “motherhood”. Motiwala blew the internet with her brave and graceful ramp walk at the Lakme Fashion Week in March, showing off her healthy and glowing baby bump. “Honestly I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this till the designer backed me up with confidence and when I stood there just before the show, I felt this body that is giving life, looks different and is the most beautiful I have ever felt.” 

She talks about how everyone prepares you for all the weight you will put on during pregnancy but not about weight gain postpartum. While Motiwala did not put on much weight in the first six months of her pregnancy due to nausea, she added 15 kilos postpartum—a big blow to how she felt about her body. Social media does add to the pressure of women doing it all, with bumps disappearing in two to three months, but Motiwala has dropped unrealistic expectations for herself. “I am not rushing myself to show up in every single social event, dressed in a certain way to please the world. I want to take my time. At children’s birthday parties, I do see moms looking like Barbie dolls dressed in their best flaunting that perfect body but for someone who’s been in the fashion business and styled the best bodies, confidence comes from knowing who you are and not what you wear.”

She was truly unfiltered when she opened up about being devastated looking at the scars, the stretch marks, and the way her body looks now. “It’s heartbreaking because you kind of leave your old self behind and you have to learn to embrace this new you with all the other changes that are happening in your life.” She also speaks about having an ‘identity crisis’ when you become a mom. “Motherhood can make you feel unsexy but that is a temporary feeling. With my second child, I really felt I didn’t want to postpone joy anymore. We’re always comparing, running, and planning—if this happens then I’ll do this, or if I achieve this, then things will work out or I want to be so fit then I’ll be ok... it’s endless... But don’t postpone joy.”

Motiwala does miss the agility of youth when she could just take off on a whim, that skinny Antara who never had to worry about weight and could fit into the best clothes. Today this Motiwala is fully aware that it’s important for her C-section scars to heal and discuss those with her girlfriends. She has no immediate postpartum weight loss plan but instead wants to get back to shape when she feels more healed. “I think given that I have done it twice over is proof enough that I love and value motherhood even with all the changes it brings.”

Applique overlay, ₹36,500 and crêpe cowl skirt, ₹17,500, both Aikeyah at Ogaan; bralette, Antara’s own; Keepsakes Statement Polki Necklace, price on request, Her Story.

Hanna Strömgren, Co-founder & CEO, Bozzil, Simply Nam Beauty & Leezu's

Sometimes women are so consumed by the various insecurities and the plethora of changes that come with the pregnancy journey that they forget that some women would do anything to walk this path. After a rough road, Hannah Strömgren, who is the co-founder of Bozzil and a brand strategist by profession finally gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. “Because the pre-pregnancy journey was so tough, the pregnancy and the postpartum were easier to accept and appreciate,” she says.

Strömgren’s story is about wanting different things at different times and what makes us more accepting of the roadblocks that come our way. She says she felt her best during her pregnancy and after giving birth, she told her husband and her friends that she missed being pregnant. “I was so in awe of the different journeys that we women face and how we come to love ourselves the way we are.”

For Strömgren, it might not have been such a struggle in the physical sense but she has been through a lot mentally. Even during her pregnancy, a lot was going on in her mind. She was often angry with her body for not behaving the way she’d wish when she thought she couldn’t get pregnant. Maybe that’s why she came to be more grateful and accepting of the physical changes.

However, she says, “Post-pregnancy has definitely been harder to accept in terms of looks. You look in the mirror and see a different version of yourself, your clothes don’t fit the same way anymore, and you start to wonder if this is the new you or if it’s a temporary version of the old you. I think as women we are often so hard on ourselves—we go through this life-changing experience of creating and carrying life, and we somehow expect to come out the same, when in fact everything as we know it has changed.”

When asked about the scars and stretch marks she says, “I ended up having an emergency C-section, so the scar I have on my stomach serves as a daily reminder that my daughter came from there—through my body, and that is the most surreal, incredible thing.”

She explains how at each stage, our insecurities are so different. She never worried about how she looked because for her, it was all about having the baby, and not chasing the perfect body. She admits it’s not easily acceptable to all women and that’s fine too. We all have our paths to motherhood—there’s no right or wrong and no judgement. “Only if I am taking care of it will I be able to properly take care of my baby too. I guess that is a lesson for all of us to keep in mind throughout life.”

Front pleated silk dress, Reik at Ogaan, ₹25,500; Poetry in Motion Sway Necklace, Chime Wrap Bangle, and statement ring, prices on request, all Her Story.

Maia Sethna Malhotra, Content Creator

Maia Sethna Malhotra, a fashion, beauty, luxury, travel and lifestyle content creator felt insecure about her body during her tenacious teenage years—all thanks to the various beauty standards introduced to her through fashion magazines where being “skinny” was considered beautiful. And honestly, it still is—maybe that’s why women, tend to feel insecure during pregnancy, a time when their body expands. However, Malhotra contrasted this belief by expressing her positive outlook and announcing her pregnancy publicly. “You’ll be surprised. I think that people today are a lot more accepting and they want to see the unfiltered side of things more, rather than that perfect airbrushed image and they relate more to you when you put yourself out there,” she says.

Typically the belief is that women who put on a lot of weight during pregnancy, are the only ones to feel under-confident and anxious about their bodies, but that’s not really the case. Even though she has a healthy baby bump now, Malhotra says she had the opposite problem because she didn’t show as much till her sixth month. “I received comments like, ‘Oh, your baby isn’t healthy or your baby isn’t growing enough because your bump is so small’,” says Malhotra. However, she ignored such comments. “I think it’s amazing what a woman’s body can do to actually create a life, a brain, a heart,” she says. 

Having lost her own mother to cancer at a young age, Malhotra is really looking forward to motherhood. But is she concerned about stretch marks and putting on a lot of weight? “I would have certainly worried about these things in my 20s but now, in my 30s, I have grown more confident in my own skin,” she says, adding that she is no rush to get ‘back in shape’. She is concentrating on the present, keeping herself informed about the journey but not indulging in an information overload. 

“The reason to share would mostly come from a place of helping someone else feel not so alone in their journey. I do feel like that is one of the empowering things about social media,” says Malhotra explaining her decision to make her pregnancy public and sharing her experiences with her audience. The last statement is very true. Seeing all these perfect bodies in times when you’re the least confident about yours does have an impact on you. Sharing one’s journey with the fraternity makes these changes less overwhelming knowing there’s someone else who is going through the same, especially, when it is so unfiltered and real. 

Red one shoulder silk maxi dress, Stephany D’souza at Ogaan, ₹22,400; Tulip Semi-Choker Necklace and solitaire ring, prices on request, both Her Story.

Neha Dhupia, Actor 

“There are days when you wonder, ‘What happened to my body?’ and in that same moment, if you realise why and what you have created, you would never think twice. Yes, with motherhood my body went up and down the weighing scale. I was accused of wearing androgynous clothes to hide those extra kilos. That could have bothered the Neha in her 20s, but not the one today,” says Dhupia. Many succumb to pressure and fall into deeper corners, shying away from the limelight. But Neha has never shied away from the camera, and is born to slay it, just the way she slays it behind the camera too. Neha has had a remarkable journey, whether in her 20s as a model, in her 30s as an actor, or now in her 40s as this fabulous mom of two. 

“When you are in your 20s, there is still a lot of talk outside and in your mind about being perfect and about those 5 kilos up and down. Looking back, I wish I could have saved those 10 minutes in my day then,” she laughs! She admits that in a world surrounded by the most beautiful people and impeccably perfect bodies that are also adorned in the most gorgeous clothes, fleeting thoughts of how gorgeous those people look does cross her mind, but she reminds herself that, “comparison is the shortest way to go to hell, and if you want to be miserable.” Her husband Angad has also been a huge support who constantly reminds her of what her body has created.

“My definition of body image and body positivity has evolved over the years and I now understand it is not about the way it looks but what it can do. Today I work out for eight hours a week because it gives me a sense of direction and helps me be the best version of myself for my children, to be fit enough to run, play and have fun with them. I am going to put in that effort, but I am not going to go all over proving myself by shedding a few more kilos,” says Dhupia.

Dhupia has been vocal about how we need a judgement-free society and the power for every mom to do what she likes, to raise her babies her way without the eye-rolls and judgements from our society.

Embroidered blouse, ₹24,000 and metallic pleated sari, ₹32,500, both by Shweta Kapur at Ogaan; C’est L’Amour Tulip Ear Climbers and Born to Fly Unfurl Ring, prices on request, both Her Story.

Noelle Kadar, Strategic Consultant: Art & Design

Pregnancy is this wonderful journey that helps us reinvent ourselves while bringing to life another tiny version of ourselves! But the road to this journey isn’t without its share of bumps. From combating body changes to handling societal judgements to overcoming physical discomforts, it’s a different story and a different experience for each mom. Especially if you are in a new country, handling a new job, and carving a name for yourself in your field, as Noelle Kadar did. Kadar, who is a specialist in Indian contemporary art and a mom of twins, emphatically says that “she feels stronger than ever before after motherhood!” 

“Pregnancy wasn’t an easy journey for me. I wasn’t really prepared for this, and when I realised I was pregnant with twins, there were so many thoughts that crossed my mind,” Kadar narrates. “I was hyper-aware of my body, and in my 20s, there were even these standards that I wanted it to meet,” she laughs. She confesses about having body image issues and eating disorders, how she would, “over-exercise and under-eat” for a brief phase during her teens. However, she explains that with pregnancy and welcoming her twins into the world, she found a connection with herself. She describes how realising she had created these tiny humans after a difficult pregnancy but could still continue doing what she loved made her feel stronger than ever. But the key is in the timing, she says. 

“Society tells you that women can have it all. It’s true. But women can have it all at different times, just not at the same time.” Why do we, as moms, then aspire to have it all? From career to kids, to the perfect shape, to all things in between? “You can’t compete with your younger version or try to fit in with your 25-year-old self,” explains Kadar, while talking about how she learned to embrace her body changes, after having twins. “I was on bed rest for most of the time during my pregnancy which made me feel weaker than heavier. And I wanted to get back to feeling stronger. That was the primary thought after delivering my babies.” She explains how, after delivery, she worked on feeling stronger than before and being her best self, postpartum. 

“I am more accepting of my body now and not harsh towards it,” Kadar says while talking about how she balances raising her children and focusing on her passion in the art world. It is important that as moms, we evolve ourselves, not letting ourselves fall into the trap laid down by society on “what’s right for moms”. Most moms in our country are often guilty of falling into the acceptance mentality, says Kadar, talking about how they grudgingly accept themselves “because they are now mothers”. There is so much more that defines you as a person, than whether you are 10 pounds heavier—however, as Kadar rightly summarises, it is also important that moms don’t stop themselves from doing what it takes for them to feel better.

Silk brocade blazer, ₹58,650 and Silk brocade trousers, ₹38,650, both Suketdhir at Ogaan; diamond earrings, price on request, Tallin Jewels

Hair and Make-up: Anuradha Raman; Hair and Make-up Assistant: Ankita Vyas; Fashion Assistant: Gayathri Devi Munaga.