How to find yourself again after a breakup

Losing a partner is okay but don’t lose yourself!

Harper's Bazaar India

When you’re in a long-term relationship with someone, you both end up behaving like one unit—you go out together as well as influence each other’s habits and perceptions. And if you’re a giver and someone who tends to prioritise the other person over you, it’s very likely you will lose yourself a little in the relationship.

Even when that happens, you may not realise it because while you lost yourself a little, you’re distracted by and happy with the companionship your partner is offering you. 

It only hits you when things start going south. And finally, after the break, you begin to realise how lost you were in the relationship. More than the person, you start missing yourself. You start missing your happy, independent, carefree self. 

If you’re going through a break-up, it’s time to find yourself again. And once you do, make sure you hold on to every bit of you, even as you enter the next relationship. 

Here’s how you can do this.


Take time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, strengths, weaknesses, and aspirations. Journaling can be a helpful tool to record your thoughts and reflections. Cultivate present-moment awareness and observe your thoughts, emotions, and sensations without judgement. Mindfulness can help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself and your patterns of thinking and behaviour.

Explore your interests

Engage in activities that genuinely interest you. Try new hobbies, explore different genres of books, music, or movies, and experiment with different types of art or creative outlets. Travel, meet new people, and engage in diverse social and cultural activities. Exposure to new experiences can broaden your perspective and help you understand yourself better. Pay attention to what resonates with you and brings you joy.

Do things you couldn’t do in your relationship

If you had to compromise on the things you’d like to do because your partner never accompanied you, go do them now on your own or with someone else. Give yourself back the things you were deprived of and it will set you free!

Embrace solitude

Spend quality time alone to reflect, recharge, and connect with yourself. Solitude allows you to tune in to your inner voice and cultivate a deeper sense of self-awareness. You can go on a date with yourself, sit in a café reading a book, or even just give yourself half an hour of quiet every morning to listen to music. 

Set goals aligned with your values

Define your values and align your goals and actions with them. Living a life that is true to your values can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Don’t let anyone deflect you from your path.

Embrace self-compassion

Be kind and compassionate towards yourself throughout the self-discovery process. Embrace your strengths, accept your flaws, and practice self-care, and self-love. Know that healing is not linear and you will get there. But you can use this time to understand what heals you, what your patterns are and what makes you happy.