What your first fight in a relationship tells you about you and your partner

A relationship is like a roller-coaster—there are many ups and downs, highs and lows. It's easy and fun to be together during the good times, but what counts at the end of the day is what happens during the bad moments and how the two of you deal with it. A new relationship comes with many firsts—the first hug, the first kiss, the first time you two get intimate and...the first fight. And if you ask us, what happens after and during the first argument is a stark indicator of where your relationship stands and the direction in which it’s headed. 

There are a host of things that your first fight in a relationship can tell about your bond. Read on.

How much you are willing to compromise

There’s no prize for guessing that the two of you will see completely different sides of your partner during and after your first fight. And in the silence after the fight, you will know the value of the relationship and the person. You will either want it to work or not. If you are willing to, strive to reach a middle ground and meet them halfway. 

How they communicate, especially when they’re angry

When you’re fighting, it is important to pay attention to what’s being said and how it is said—their tone, their demeanour, everything. Look for signs—Are they disrespectful of you and your feelings or are calm throughout? Do they dominate the conversation or call you names? Do they emotionally blackmail or gaslight you, or worse, resort to physical or verbal abuse? and so on. It may not paint the entire picture, but the first fight in a relationship is undoubtedly an indicator of one’s personality. And if a certain aspect of their behaviour during the fight is not acceptable to you, speak about how you’d like to handle fights better in the future. Even better, discuss how you can, in a healthy way, communicate your feeling—anger, disappointment, all of it. You can’t avoid fights, but you can always change how you deal with them, and what better time to set the tone than the first fight? 

Do you, as well as they, take responsibility for what just happened

It takes two to tango. It's as simple as that. But if your partner does their best to avoid taking any blame, it is a major red flag. 

Saying sorry and meaning it, too

While it doesn't matter who says sorry first, one partner shouldn't always take the initiative. And if it's your turn to say sorry, mean it when you say it. Let them know what you’re sorry for, what could have been done differently, and how you’ll make it won’t happen again. And if your partner apologises to you, be open and willing to forgive them. 

We get it. It's your first fight, and while the fight may be over and you both would have poured your hearts out, it may feel awkward or strange to get back to being normal with each other. But remember, the sooner you leave the fight behind, the better it will be for your relationship. Here are a few things you must keep in mind after a fight. 

Don’t wait too long to make up

The longer you take to make up, the higher the chances of those negative feelings turning into resentment toward each other. Resolve the problem and talk things out instead of giving each other silent treatment. 

Show signs of love, compassion and affection

Remember that it’s not only you but also your partner who is hurt by the fight. To be understood, you need to understand. So take the first step towards doing so. 

Calm down and then find reason

There is a reason why you should never make decisions when angry. When you’ve taken the time to cool down, try to think of the cause of the fight and what you felt through it.