Signs you are in a one-sided friendship

Your love for your friend is rather unrequited.

Harper's Bazaar India

We’ve heard so much about how painful one-sided love can be. There are movies of love and melancholy that evoke feelings of great sadness, especially in those people who’ve loved alone and lost alone. But is it just romantic feelings that can be unrequited? Friendships can be unrequited, too, and I am not talking about stalkers or delusional people who think someone’s their friend while the other person is unaware of their existence. 

What is a one-sided friendship? It’s when you went to be a good, true friend (in whatever capacity) to them, and all they offered you was pseudo-friendship. You got emotionally attached to them, but their actions made you realise you were alone in this friendship. 

If you’re wondering, whether their friendship is real or if you’ve been in a one-sided friendship all along, here are signs that the latter is true in your case.

Most of your conversations are centred around them 

Almost every time you talk to or meet them, they are talking about what’s going on in their life, what they have achieved, what sucks for them, or how you can help them with something. It’s all about them. Chances are, they are only seeking someone who is constantly there for them to fulfill their needs. But a genuine connection is about both individuals and not just serving one, right?

You can’t rely on them 

You’ve crossed puddles, ponds, and oceans for them, but they won’t answer your call when you need them. They will never make plans with you when you need them, but only when they need you. They won’t go out of their way to accommodate you or help you with something. These connections don’t serve your goal of personal growth and only bring you down.

They barely remember details about you 

When someone remembers what you say or what happened to you, it shows they pay attention and that you matter. Someone who doesn’t give two hoots about you will not take a day to forget everything you shared with them. What’s the point of baring your soul to such pseudo-friends? If this holds true for you, it’s time to re-evaluate that “friendship”. 

They don’t celebrate your wins 

Every time you talk to them about things you are excited about or something you achieved, they will give a cold response that stems from basic courtesy and not genuine interest. For instance, if you tell them you got a new job, they will congratulate you but not ask you more about it or celebrate with you.

You’re not spending any quality time 

They will call you their “good” friend. They will seek help from you and act as if they care. But reflecting on the time you spent with them—on call or in person—it was the bare minimum. They will not invite you to their birthdays or include you in their holiday plans. They will not ask you to go to the movies or brunch.

We want quality time with people we care for, because that’s the most precious thing we have! And if they don’t give you any, you need to ask yourself if the friendship is unrequited!