How to be there for someone who hides their sadness
…without being pushy.
Some of us are not used to showing sadness for various reasons—conscious or subconscious. We may feel the need to pretend to be happy so we don’t draw pity from people or make them feel uncomfortable. We may be very cheerful as individuals generally, and feel the need to continue to spread joy even when our cups are empty. Maybe, showing sadness makes us feel unlike our usual selves.
Sometimes, acknowledging and embracing our feelings in front of others also makes them seem more real. This means we have no choice but to experience them in all intensity. It also means our loved ones will ask us questions out of concern and maybe, we don’t have the energy to answer those.
It’s all understandable—we like to be sad behind closed doors, at night while sitting on the floor and feeling the walls closing in on us. We embrace our emotions, cry them out, and then go on to be strong the next day. But some of us refuse to face our feelings of sadness even in solitude.
If you know someone who doesn’t express sadness, it may be tricky to be there for them because they will show resistance to the traditional methods of sharing support. In such situations, you will have to notice their sadness and show support in ways they can accept.
Here are a few things you can do for them.
Don’t force them to express
You don’t have to coax them out of their shell; simply create a safe space by being patient and respecting their boundaries. Assure them that you are there to listen without judgment or pressure. Demonstrate your trustworthiness by maintaining confidentiality and emphasising that their feelings are valid and important. Patience and empathy are key in establishing an environment where they feel comfortable sharing their emotions.
Practice active listening
When someone opens up about their sadness, it's essential to be fully present and engaged in the conversation. Practice active listening by giving your undivided attention, maintaining eye contact, and displaying non-verbal cues that demonstrate your interest. Avoid interrupting or imposing your own experiences. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective and validating their feelings.
Offer support through non-verbal communication
Some individuals may find it easier to express their emotions through non-verbal means. Pay attention to their body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Sometimes, a comforting touch, a gentle nod, or a warm smile can convey understanding and support. Be attuned to their non-verbal cues and respond accordingly, creating a safe space for their emotions to surface.
Validate their emotions
People who struggle to express sadness may doubt the validity of their feelings. Assure them it is normal to experience sadness and that their emotions are valid. Show empathy and understanding by acknowledging their pain without downplaying or dismissing it. Help them recognise that their emotions matter and deserve to be acknowledged and respected.
Avoid pressuring for immediate disclosure
Encouraging someone to open up about their sadness is important, but it's equally important to respect their boundaries and timing. Pressuring individuals to share before they are ready can be counterproductive and may further inhibit their ability to express themselves. Be patient and let them know you are available whenever they feel comfortable discussing their feelings.
Explore alternative modes of expression
Sometimes, traditional verbal communication may not be the most effective means for individuals to express their sadness. Encourage them to explore alternative modes of expression such as writing, art, music, or physical activities. Engaging in creative outlets can provide a cathartic release and help them process their emotions in a way that feels comfortable and authentic to them.
Encourage professional support
If someone consistently struggles to express sadness or if their emotional well-being is severely impacted, it may be beneficial to suggest professional help. Therapy or counselling can provide them with a safe and supportive space to work through their emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Assure them that seeking professional support is a sign of strength and self-care.
