#GirlOnTheMove: How being in a new city didn’t solve my problems

There’s that saying. “New City, New Me”. The idea that in a new city you can reinvent yourself, forget all your problems and start fresh. Everything is going well but after some time, frustrations start to creep in, causing the facade to fade. That’s when the realisation starts: that moving didn’t solve your problems like you thought it would…

When the opportunity to move to Mumbai came to me, I didn’t really think twice about it. By that time, my 10 years in New York City were starting to wear on me and life's frustrations took over. Bad relationships, lack of career movement, and tiny apartment living had taken its toll on me. “I love New York and it likes me okay”, a line I remember reading from a Mindy Kaling’s book, summarised my sentiments exactly. 

So when my now husband said I would have to move to Mumbai after our wedding, I basically jumped at the idea. Mumbai was always a place I was intrigued by as a child. It seemed like the perfect place to wipe the slate clean and give me the boost I needed to get my energy back up and get my life back on track to what I always imagined it to be. 

It started off that way. The grand outings, the luxury vacations, the new cuisines. In the first six months, I was travelling more by plane than by car. This was what I was looking for, an enriching environment to grow outside my comfort zone. Over time though, the feeling of excitement started to fade and I felt myself falling back into old frustrations. Newlywed problems, job instability, mental and physical insecurities. What happened to New City, New Me? It felt more like New City, Same Me. 

For many of us, we use travel as a way of escaping. To go somewhere and for those few days or weeks, forget about all that bothers us until it comes back when we return home from vacation. Moving can be even more exhilarating. A way of shedding your skin, you can enter a new city without any premise of people knowing who you were before so you try to prove you are this new empowered person on a quest to live your best life. 

But here’s the issue with that notion, moving is an opportunity, not an answer. It’s the chance to help us identify problematic areas in our life and work on strategies to help us get through it. We all want to live happier lives, and we are all capable, but moving helped me realise that it wasn’t just the setting, I had to put in the work as well. For me, those strategies came in the form of prayer, manifestation, journaling and therapy. I had to face my issues head on to realise why I’m not in the place I always imagined. It had less to do with the setting and more to do with recognising my own shortcomings. For example, the lack of confidence in my work and self-image was creating obstacles for me in my career, as I never thought I was good enough which led to constantly comparing myself to others. As people, we tend to self-sabotage and put ourselves down and I had to learn to be confident in my own skin, otherwise I was never going to be happy anywhere. I am still a work in progress, but it's become more about focusing and healing this internal mental struggle through dedication and self-love—to come out stronger and happier than before.

We all move for different reasons and there are good reasons to move. But if you are using moving as a way to help solve prior issues, you might get disappointed because now you will just have those same issues, but in a more “Instagramable” setting. Human habits are hard to change. While not impossible, it can take a great amount of consistency and commitment. Moving allows us to face those struggles head on and re-evaluate these areas through anonymity and self-acceptance.

While we all deserve to live our best limitless life, you must start to do that from within first.

 

lead and sq image credit: bollywoodirect/Instagram