Do we check on our partners enough? Here’s how you should do it

Cute conversations aside, do you know how your partner is actually doing?

Harper's Bazaar India

Sometimes, when your partner is acting differently or isn’t being their happiest selves, you start overthinking if it’s because they have a problem with you. Thoughts about your relationship going sour start affecting your peace of mind, and you start behaving differently too.

When my partner seemed off for a few days in a row, my anxious attachment style (which I am trying to convert to secure) led me to assume there was something off with us. And then it struck me, that between all our daily gossip and lovestruck conversations, I forgot to check on them. I didn’t ask them how they are dealing with such a big change in their life. When I did ask them, I realised they were struggling too, and that conversation brought us a bit closer. That’s how it should be, right? If we don’t check in on our partners, who will?

We rush through our lives, trying to keep up with the pace and hoping to do our best. All of this can take a toll on us, and talking about it with a loved one can help us analyse our own feelings better. Do you stop to ask your partner how they are doing? Not in a casual way but with the genuine intention of finding out.

Take time out of your busy schedule and check on your partner. Here’s how you can do it.

Remember the things they tell you 

Your partner may tell you about how an issue they are facing at work, about someone ill in their family, or even the fact that they are finding it hard to exercise because they are so preoccupied all day. You listen to them, and, soon after, you forget all about it and the conversation steers to other topics. These issues don’t resolve overnight and your partner may still be dealing with them. Check on them after a while about the recent developments. They will know they have someone to talk to and it will make them open up even more with you. 

Understand what they may be struggling with

Not everything can be verbally communicated. You have to look for non-verbal cues as well. If your partner seems like they have a lot on their mind, they may be going through something. Instead of taking it personally, ask them about their work life, family, and every other aspect you think could be a reason for them being stressed. 

Ask them follow-up questions 

When your partner shares something with you, ask more questions. I am not saying you have to pester them so much that they regret speaking about it. But show genuine concern in finding out more about how they feel. Put yourself in their shoes; it will help you get a better perspective on what they feel. 

Listen without judgement 

Ask your partner if they need you to just listen or offer advice as well. Either way, keep judgement out of the conversation. It will help them feel more confident to show their vulnerable side to you. 

Be supportive

Checking up on your partner doesn’t just mean you need to ask them what’s wrong in their life right now. It also means making sure they are coping and thriving. Asking your partner if they had their meals or if they took their medicines is a great way of showing you care, and it will help make them feel more motivated to take care of themselves. Being supportive means sometimes giving 70 per cent to the relationship when your partner can give only 30. It means doing more of the talking when your partner is not in the mood to talk much. Your partner can do the same for you when you need it—that’s how a healthy relationship functions. It’s not always 50-50!