Should taking kids along to professional commitments be normalised?

Since she was little, Aaradhya has been actor Aishwarya Rai’s constant companion on some of the biggest red carpets and events—from Cannes Film Festival to Anant Ambani Radhika Merchant gala. When Rai was asked by a media outlet why she takes her daughter everywhere, she laid bare the reality of several working moms. “She’s always with me, so she is a part of my multitasking life. I keep it as real for her as possible, and very normal.”

Rai is no exception. We’ve seen many international celebrities like Beyoncé, Katie Holmes, and Mariah Carey take their kids to music tours, performances, and even film sets. And it’s not just women. Tesla and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk’s son made his debut at a Zoom meeting a few years ago, and has made several public appearances since then.

In an age where parents are relentlessly managing work and home, should taking kids along to professional commitments be normalised? If yes, where does one draw the line? We speak to four  prominent working moms across industries—Gauri Devidayal, the cofounder of Food Matters Group; Amrita Thakur, designer and style curator; Kalki Koechlin, actor, producer, writer, and sustainability advocate; and Mini Mathur, TV host and actor—to weigh the pros and cons of the matter.

To each, their own

To Koechlin, it’s a normal practice for mothers to take their kids to work. However, she highlights that every parent may have their own discretions.

“For instance, if it was a weekday and a night event, I would refrain from taking my child along because she has school the next morning. It also depends if the content is appropriate for her age,” Koechlin tells Bazaar India.

The actor recalls taking her daughter to London for the shoot of Goldfish a few years ago. It was a time when Sappho was a baby and had to be breastfed. Recently, Koechlin’s child was again present at her set in the south of France, where the actor was filming an American-French movie, Her Song.

“It was a long time for me to be away, so for the last couple of weeks, Sappho and my partner showed up,” says Koechlin. “My director’s daughter, a little younger than mine, was also there. They had a wonderful time connecting.”

For Devidayal, the return to work after pregnancy was only possible because she could take her daughter to work. It was the only solution that made sense as a business owner in the F&B space. “I have done it partly out of guilt, partly out of necessity. Our business is such that the weekends are the busiest. In a way, it became an occupational reality. But it’s also nice for my child to see what I do,” she confesses.

Thakur echoes a similar view, “As long as the mother and child are comfortable and the event is appropriate for the child to be at, who are we to question it?”

While she hasn’t taken her child to many work events, he’s seen her at work and is often intrigued and excited to be included. “I have only seen a positive reaction to him being present there. It helps kids piece the puzzle as to what their parents are doing and where their time is spent when they are at work,” she adds.

An empowering step

It’s empowering for women to be able to take their children to work, believes Koechlin. “It remains the same if she has a choice or not,” she comments.

Going back in time, the actor remembers having an honest talk with her daughter before the first day of her shoot for Goldfish. While she had a nanny arranged in London for the time she was away at work, her daughter was reluctant to let the actor go since they had spent all their time during Covid.

“It was the first time we were apart after so long. She was used to having me around during the pandemic. But this project was so important to me. I broke down and told Sappho that I wanted to get back to work, and it would make me happy,” she shares. “I promised her to be around every morning and night to feed and hug her. The next morning, she was so cooperative.”

“We don’t have to always sacrifice everything for our children. Seeing us empowered will empower them,” Koechlin tells Bazaar India.

Similarly, for Devidayal’s daughter, to see what her mother has been doing is inspiring. “There have also been times when I’ve taken Dia to panels. When she sees people coming up to me or talking, it makes her proud,” she says. At the same time, being exposed to restaurant kitchens at an early age has instilled in her (Dia) a love for food and cooking. She’s also more open to trying new things, says Devidayal. “Whether it was breaking eggs or mixing ingredients in a bowl, I have pictures of her as a baby doing that. She loved being in the kitchen unlike me who cannot cook,” she laughs.

The caveat of excess exposure

Contrary to others, Mathur isn’t in favour of taking kids to film sets or award functions unless there’s no one to babysit. She followed the same principles with her children, Vivaan and Sairah, even if she was away for long shoots.

“I don’t think kids need to be seeing paps and red carpets. Also, Kabir and I would put our children to bed and then leave for parties or award functions,” she recalls. Mathur believes children should earn their stars and stripes before they face the media. “I don’t want to inculcate that value in them, making them feel they are special. When you do something great in your life, that’s when you walk the red carpet,” she comments.

The only time she made an exception to have her kids around at work was while shooting for the TV series, Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao in the Taman Negara forests of Malaysia. Sairah was a newborn then and Mathur was pining to see her little one. Her husband, filmmaker Kabir Khan, would travel every alternate weekend to her location, making sure he was in time for his wife’s weekly holiday.

“I don’t prefer my kids being around otherwise, also because I can’t give 100 per cent to my shoot. These sets aren’t great for them,” she highlights. “However, my kids have been on the sets of my husband’s films because Kabir would inevitably be filming during their summer vacations,” says Mathur.

Well, there’s no right or wrong. As Thakur puts it, “Are we exposing kids too early, or are we normalising it for them? It depends on what aligns with your value system.”

Lead image: Getty Images

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