Self-deprecating humour is more harmful than it seems—here’s why you must stop
It’s killing your self-love!
While we often advocate self-love and confidence, a person practising it often gets dissed for being ‘too narcissistic’ or ‘over-confident’. People love to see a person being over-modest or bringing themselves down—and that is one of the reasons why self-deprecating humour is so popular among stand-up comedians including Vir Das, Shreeja Chaturvedi, Prashasti Singh, and more. It cracks everyone up, as you talk about your worst fears and the most embarrassing experiences. Like when Chandler says, “Until I was 25, I thought that the only response to ‘I love you’ was: ‘Oh, crap’.” Or when he says, “What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?” His sense of humour is a mix of sarcasm and self-deprecation—and people love that!
But here’s the thing, while self-deprecating humour can make you more likeable and hilarious, and also help you deal with your insecurities (to an extent), it can also be rather harmful.
Here’s why, this year, you should resolve to leave self-deprecating humour aside or at least limit it.
It promotes inward aggression
A study on humour styles says that self-deprecating humour is an aggressive style directed at yourself, which can have a negative impact on your overall well-being. While the humour style is hilarious, no doubt, if left unchecked, it can make you harsher to yourself—and let’s be honest here, society has already done its bit there. Everyone is working hard, building a career and a life, and dealing with the rather redundant standards of human civilisation. What we need is to show ourselves some kindness!
It can make it difficult for you to accept compliments
Make fun of yourself, sometimes—after all, it is great to be able to deal with the embarrassing moments of our lives. But you know your self-deprecating humour is harming you when you just can’t accept compliments. For instance, someone says they love your fit-and-flare dress and you feel the need to point out that you’re trying to hide your love handles. You start behaving in a way that convinces you that you don’t deserve compliments. The imposter syndrome hits you hard. This may seem endearing on-screen but it is unhealthy for our self-esteem. So, next time someone says good things about you, accept it!
It can make you less optimistic
The thing with affirmations is that you are inviting good into your life and hard-wiring your brain to believe you deserve every good thing you are seeking right now. Repeated self-deprecation does the exact opposite. By constantly pulling yourself down, even in humour, you are convincing your brain to feel pessimistic about yourself and life and what you deserve.
It affects your self-image
Studies indicate that while self-deprecating humour puts other people at ease (they feel they are not alone in their struggles), it has a negative impact on your own self-image. Self-deprecating humour may seem harmless, but if it starts to affect the way you see yourself, know that it’s time to put a full stop to it.
It may affect your choices
Self-love has a great impact on the decisions you make. For instance, you know when you are settling for less. You know when to walk away and when to demand more. But when you have a negative self-image because of your inward aggression, you keep making choices that act as an obstacle between you and your goals.
Break this negative pattern by showing yourself some love!
