#GirlOnTheMove: Life notes from a social media creator on making Mumbai her home

I still remember the moment the plane touched down in Mumbai. There I was, on the move. I had just left the US, the only home I’d ever known for 28 years, and embarked on this new journey in the country that we’d grown up calling “the motherland”. A reverse migration of sorts, with nothing but the two bags I brought with me to settle into this new place I had to call home. 

If you talk to anyone, no matter whether shifting is a personal choice, a job opportunity, or a family decision, it can feel overwhelming figuring out a new city, especially that first year. The culture shock hits hard, and you are left questioning your decisions. “Culture shock? But aren’t you Indian?" is what people would say when I described all the emotions I went through living my first year in Mumbai.

There were many occasions when I felt I was overreacting. I had become that “over emotional American” who couldn’t adjust to her new surroundings. It wasn’t until after a few years that I came to understand that not only were my feelings validated, but there was an actual graph for everything I went through. 

“The Culture Adaptation Graph"—yes, there is such a thing—talks about the phases one goes through when moving to a new country. The phases are described as Honeymoon, Frustration, Adaptation, and Acceptance. Let’s talk about mine. 

My Honeymoon Phase

Like marriage, the first step to adapting to a new culture is called the “honeymoon phase”. Everything is exciting and blissful as you get acquainted with everything around you. My honeymoon phase was bittersweet. I was a new bride and wife, away from everything I knew, but living in a new city, which was exciting at the same time. My husband and I went out every week—trying a new restaurant, shopping at designer stores, and experiencing the best of what Mumbai had to offer. I soon started to learn a lot about Mumbai, more than my husband, who had lived there for eight years before me, and despite not knowing the language. It really gave me a sense of confidence as I became familiar with everything. I felt motivated to “take over” as they say and really started to feel like I was getting by on my own; but soon enough, this honeymoon came to a screeching end.

My Frustration Phase

No matter how savvy I was on Google Maps, not being able to speak Hindi fluently took a huge toll on my every day. I was brought up in a Malayalee home, so Hindi was not a language I was familiar with. My husband’s job required him to travel so often that I found myself home alone most days trying to figure out how to get by. I couldn’t communicate properly and daily actions ended up feeling like a burden. Sitting in traffic became overwhelming and I’d get extremely frustrated not being able to communicate in a way that was familiar to me. My anxiety levels rose so much that I eventually stopped leaving the house. As someone who used to be up at 7am to start the day, I found myself sleeping till 10:30 am and sitting and watching television till 7 pm. I slowly slipped into depression without even realizing it. I had no motivation to step out of the house. The only control I had was using apps, so I started ordering out daily. Inevitably, my weight started to increase and my confidence took a hit. I thought having an Indian background would give me an advantage to living in India, but I felt it did the opposite. My fantastical expectations were met with this harsh reality and I was ready to give up. 

My Adaptation Phase

I learned about my therapist through a close friend. He saw I was struggling and recommended I find someone to help me with this transition. My therapist’s first piece of advice? “Take the metro.” I thought it was silly. I mean, taking a metro wasn’t going to help me adapt or change the negative perspective I had, but I had nothing to lose, so I decided to give it a try. Right from the initial ride, I felt a difference. For the first time I came to Mumbai, I felt I accomplished something on my own without having to rely on anyone. I was no longer scared of leaving my home and started to venture out. I started to attend events around the city and make new friends. My confidence started to rise, as well as my work opportunities. I took the metro everyday for those therapy sessions. This simple act taught me to take back the control I was lacking in life and gave me the push I needed.

My Acceptance Phase

It took me almost that first year before I started to feel that sense of acceptance. Finally there was a rhythm and routine in this chaos that gave me a new sense of identity. I won’t lie and say those struggles I once faced disappeared. Even now, my Hindi is probably a level above basic, the traffic has somehow gotten worse, and there remains a small feeling of anxiety leaving the house, but maneuvering around them and finding a well-balanced structure that works for me was exactly the thing that has helped me face it head on. 

Culture shock looks different on everyone and that’s okay. Sometimes you have to go and draw your own graph based on your personal experiences. Some people adapt right away and some take a few years. It took me some time to feel at peace here. In the years since moving to Mumbai, I have created a home, a community that has become family, and a sense of purpose in my family and career. 

My move to Mumbai was life-changing. It took me a while, but I know I’m where I am supposed to be. If you have just moved to a new country, know that you aren’t alone in your feelings. You have done the unthinkable, moved away from your comforts to enrich yourself, and your life will be all the better for it. Trust me.