Your guide to cutting off the energy dementors in your life...
...before they suck out the joy from your life.
Are you someone who does a vibe check before letting someone in? You know, when you have no tangible reason to keep your guard up with someone except that they didn’t “feel” right. I am someone who needs to feel energised by a person’s presence for them to stay in my life.
But some people simply drain you. They feel like energy dementors or vampires. Each time you meet them or talk to them, it feels like someone just vacuumed out the happiness from your soul. After a long conversation with them, you start feeling as tired as you’d feel after a trek, minus the happy hormones.
Empaths are more prone to this energy suction but even if you are not one, you may experience it. According to a medically-reviewed article in Psychcentral, the mirror neurons, which also control empathy are more active in sensitive individuals. Thus, if someone is feeding you with negativity or is too taxing to deal with, just their existence may feel tiring to you. It’s safe to say, everyone has a lot going on. And if someone is toxic and doesn’t bring you joy, it’s time to go Marie Kondo on them.
A 2019 study published in Science Direct advises individuals to "adopt appropriate self-care behaviours" and to avoid "overstimulating situations".
Here’s how to break ties with people who drain you.
Evaluate why a connection feels exhausting
There are people who are annoying and there are people who are downright toxic. Then there are people who push you, who make you see the parts of truth you are not ready to face. If someone holds you accountable or expects you to up your game, don’t just give up on them because you want the easy way out. If you feel drained by someone’s existence in your life, it’s important to understand if it’s because of your own projections or if it’s really the negativity they pack.
Don’t let your actions be determined by frustration
Once you know that someone is acting like an energy dementor and you are sure of cutting them off, do it with dignity. It may feel frustrating, but don’t let their negativity bring you down too. Be classy, and let them know you don’t have the bandwidth to deal with their issues.
Don’t pretend
You may find it hard to confront them and then end up acting like you’re still close even if you’d rather spend the day with Annabelle than with them. You’re only making it hard for you to walk away, as you allow them to feed off your energy. Don’t be mean but don’t act like you care a lot.
Be warned, they may reach out
Once you stop giving them your time—and especially if they are narcissistic—they may try to claw their way back into your life. They may tell you they will change and you may even give them some time. But chances are, they will go back to their old ways of draining people. So be warned. There is emotional manipulation heading your way and you need to battle it with firm hands!
Know it’s not you, it’s them
With emotional manipulation comes the blame game. They will make you feel like the most insensitive person on this planet, and like you asked for their kidney, they gave it to you and then you discarded them. If you are someone with a soft heart, you will feel bad for them and start doubting yourself. However, know that it’s really them. You have the right to happiness and if someone pulls you down, you don’t owe them your time…or anything!