What exactly does a life coach do? And should you get one?

It's about time the practice of life coaching was cued up for demystification. With the mental health space increasingly peppered with a variety of aides in the form of psychiatrists, therapists, healers, and coaches, its navigation is a confusing decision for anyone seeking help. Life coaching, in particular, seems to have taken on that dubious garb of an attractive con because it’s so wide and encompassing a field with such few barriers to entry that many are now farming it with little thought to consequences. Access to a life coach is likely easier to acquire than prescribed medication, often by clicking a link on an Instagram ad. 

The field has been interpreted (or misinterpreted) as anything from a fraudulent enterprise designed to be the latest accessory for the wealthy and famous and their Gen Z spawn to the answers to the prayers of someone whose life, family, career or health has gone awry. Despite its polarising reputation, life coaching currently sits at the intersection of therapy and mentorship, and its rise in popularity appears to be a direct by-product of our cultural obsession with self-improvement.

So who is a life coach, really?

Consider your life coach your mentor and cheerleader. Simply put, when you’re trying to navigate life’s tough decisions and transitions, encountering the typical negatives of the human experience: demotivation, decision fatigue and nescience, a life coach can aid and abet you in reaching your goals. Much like sports coaches, they share your responsibility of finding motivation and overcoming obstacles and even upskill you if what you require is within their area of expertise. In addition, they serve you with core fundamentals like empathetic one-on-one interaction to discuss your goals and challenges and the establishment of periodic processes for feedback until you reach the promised land of your ideal life at which point you both celebrate a win. 

Let’s backtrack. A promised land is a subjective figment in which the goalpost can keep shifting. Which is why, to pick a coach, it is imperative to define an endpoint and quit when you get there, or you can wind up in a co-dependency or, worse, get into witch-hunting mode, seeking to purge every human flaw your mortal persona had the audacity to have. Generally, a good life coach is someone who agrees to a goal post and keeps the coaching limited to a particular time frame thereby protecting your mind and your money.

How is therapy different  (or similar) to life coaching?

While therapy can offer healing from trauma or innately difficult experiences, and bring you from sinking to floating, life coaching attempts to take you from floating to swimming. Or in other words from surviving to thriving. In order to swim freely, sometimes one might need to go back underwater and rid themselves of entanglements that may impede progress. Analogously, the coaching method could cross lines with psychotherapy which may be perfectly acceptable, so long as the coach is qualified. 

How to vet a coach?

“Life coaching is a trend; everyone is one, wants one and all in all, coaches are a menace to society!” exclaims one former life coach: Harish K Mataki* who now finds the field to be abhorrent because the qualifications of “coaches” are questionable. Having previously submitted himself to accreditations that involve the standard practices in traditional psychotherapy such as supervision, continued professional development and peer review as laid out by governing bodies such as the ACA (American Counselling Association) and the UK-based NCPS (National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society), it is Mataki's belief that when placed in a dynamic where a coach wields so much power over a vulnerable mind and certain observations have the potential to become gospel truth for clients, responsibility is non-negotiable. In fact, when he was practising life coaching, he went a step further and gave his clients a forum for grievance redressal by obtaining membership of the Association of Spiritual Integrity, a global association to foster ethical practices within the community of spiritual leaders. Mataki then published his membership on his website and invited his clients to contact the association in the event of a complaint. 

In India, the infrastructure for such governance is unclear. Coaches may get certified and accredited by the global body:  International Coach Federation (ICF) by completing and adhering to ICF Core Competencies, Code of Ethics and the ICF definition of coaching. There are many paths to this, but how many take them? Without standardized degrees, appropriate councils of a review or legal licensure, the coaching can and has, very easily entered the realm of woo-woo, sometimes no better than a memoir turned self-help book-turned-workshop. This is not to say that there isn’t value in sharing what one has discovered for oneself. In fact, some of the greatest discoveries, even in science, were made that way. However, there is protocol and experimentation against a control, before a theorem can be widely accepted, which is what one would be wise to set up when shopping for a coach. It is important to distinguish motivational speakers from life coaches.

So, what should you look for?

Choosing a coach is not as simple as it sounds, after all, when you’re learning about a terrain that may be alien. You’ve done some due diligence, you’re trying to keep an open mind and lean into trust. Of course, you should do some sleuthing and garner personal references. And perhaps tune into your intuition. But sometimes, even after all that effort,  you may not feel that chime of resonance. What do you do then?

According to Rima Shergil*, a practising life coach, while choosing someone who shares an understanding of your culture and can level with you on the emotional front is certainly important, your coach should be able to help you challenge your own perspective. Even with all your defences and fortresses of resistance taking up the hatchet, if your coach is able to “loosen even one screw” in your belief system leading to an actual positive outcome, consider yourself coached. Here is the litmus test: small conscious shifts can go a long way so if you can see that you’re responding differently to a familiar situation or you’re able to take actionable steps in a constructive way, you know you've found the right coach.
     
What is not spoken of enough is also the seriously undermined notion of safety in these interactions. Perhaps the most common glaring thing to look out for in the vetting process of a life coach is the mismanagement of sexualised transference which is when a client projects romantic or sexual feelings onto the coach or therapist. While it sounds obvious, unfortunately, the predatorial inclinations of life coaches are highly underplayed. Potential caretaking predispositions could also arise from the dynamic of trust, vulnerability and support, sometimes leading to feelings of connection that could be misinterpreted as attraction. If your coach is a keeper, their actions in dealing with this would be ethical, and if not, you may find yourself entangled in a dynamic that renders you powerless.

Ultimately, knowing what you want from your chosen form of therapy or coaching is what will keep your bearings intact. Even if you submit yourself and offer up the driver’s seat for the sake of growth, having a north star and a good awareness of your inner life should keep you from veering too far off track, and that is when a coach can be a real asset.

Note*: The names in this story have been changed to protect the identity and privacy of these individuals.

Images: Unsplash

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