The invisible cost of being “low maintenance”

For years, being low maintenance has been sold as a virtue. The woman who does not fuss, does not demand, does not take up too much space is praised for being easy, adaptable, and agreeable. She is the one who says she is fine when she is not, who makes do, who adjusts. In friendships, at work, and in relationships, this version of effortlessness is often mistaken for strength.

But there is a cost to constantly minimising your needs. It rarely shows up in obvious ways. It builds slowly, settling into habits of self-checking and emotional restraint. Over time, what looks like calm from the outside can turn into exhaustion on the inside. The problem with being low maintenance is not the simplicity; it is the silence.

When ease becomes erasure

Low maintenance people are often proud of their ability to cope. They rarely ask for help and rarely complain. But ease can quietly slide into erasure when your preferences are always the first to go out of the window.

This shows up in small decisions that add up. You let others choose the restaurant, the menu, the holiday plan, and the meeting time. You soften your opinions to keep the peace and avoid conflict. You tell yourself it does not matter. And eventually, people stop noticing what you want at all. The world adjusts to the version of you that needs very little, and then expects even less.

Being low maintenance often means managing your emotions alone. You process disappointment privately, resolve conflicts internally, and avoid difficult conversations to keep things smooth. While this may seem mature, it places the full burden of emotional labour on one person.

Over time, this imbalance can breed resentment. Not because others are unkind, but because they are unaware. People cannot meet needs they do not know exist. When you present yourself as endlessly okay and in control of your emotions, you teach others not to check in.

The workplace penalty

At work, low maintenance employees are often reliable and flexible. They take on extra tasks without protest and adapt to shifting expectations. They are described as "easy to work with". Yet, this flexibility can backfire.

When you do not advocate for yourself, promotions pass quietly by, boundaries blur, and effort is assumed, not acknowledged. The belief that good work will speak for itself is comforting, but it is rarely true. Visibility still matters, and so does asking.

Relationships built on convenience

In romantic relationships, being low maintenance is often framed as a flex. It suggests freedom and lack of pressure. But relationships thrive on mutual care, not convenience.

When one partner consistently downplays their needs, intimacy suffers. True love and closeness requires honesty, even when it feels uncomfortable. Wanting reassurance, time, or effort does not make you demanding; it makes you human.

Reclaiming the right to need

There is nothing wrong with enjoying simplicity. The issue arises when low maintenance becomes a performance rather than a preference. When you choose less because you believe you deserve less, something has gone wrong.

Reclaiming your needs does not require dramatic declarations. It starts with noticing what drains you, what you avoid asking for, and what you secretly wish someone would offer. Learning to voice these things is not indulgent, but necessary.

Being high maintenance is not the opposite of being low maintenance. Self-awareness is. The real luxury is not asking for nothing, but knowing what you need and trusting that it matters.

Lead image: Netflix

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