Don’t let a fresh breakup kill your optimism this year
One day, it won’t hurt anymore.
Why do we wish each other at midnight on New Year’s Eve? We are brimming with sad-sweet emotions, feeling grateful for the good times and probably anxious about the challenges and the possibility of a clean slate. We are hopeful, subconsciously or consciously, resolving to achieve new heights, form new habits, and improve our lives. But what happens when we are starting the new year with loss?
The thing about breakups is that it starts happening way before it actually does. You start noticing a change in their tone, their eyes don’t twinkle the same way when they look at you, and your kisses end up feeling pro forma. You realise that you don’t have the fight left in you anymore. Instead of trying to point things out that bother you, you let things slide. For whatever reason, you break up, and it takes a long time to reach there. And it takes even longer to truly break up from their memories.
Stepping into a fresh year without a person who was an important part of the previous year feels like a vacuum in your soul. But nobody should let a break-up steal away from their new beginnings.
If you’re dealing with a fresh breakup, here’s how you can still be optimistic this year.
Work on your self-concept
Often, when we are in a co-dependent relationship we tend to act like one team with our partner. Couples behave like one entity, with combined social circles and hobbies. Breaking up from that team can feel isolating and leave our self-concept shaken. According to a 2015 study, repairing our self-concept can help heal us better. As you step into a new calendar year, remind yourself of your life when you were single. “The process of becoming psychologically intertwined with the partner is painful to have to undo,” researcher Grace Larson told Science Daily, “Our study provides additional evidence that self-concept repair actually causes improvements in well-being.”
Change the narrative
Sometimes, the harder you try not to, it feels more difficult to stop thinking about them. Researchers of the same 2015 study had earlier suspected that if you talk about the breakup a lot, it will delay the healing. However, they discovered later that it actually helps you heal…if you add recovery to the narrative. Instead of ruminating about what went wrong, talk about what happened, what you learnt, and how you are moving forward.
Get closure
No, closure doesn’t come from drunk-dialling your ex and telling them you’re over them—and Rachel will vouch for it! Closure doesn’t come from the other person and expecting it from them is giving them too much power. Of course, you have several questions in your head—about their love, loyalty, and what went down. Give it all a rest since the answers won’t change anything and there is no sure-shot way of finding things out. Let it go.
Start something new
Everyone deserves a little freshness in life. If you are facing the loss of something familiar, why not give yourself something to look forward to? You don’t have to put yourself on a dating app right away, take your time if you must. But maybe sign up for a hobby or an art form class. The idea of exploring and learning something new will keep you on your toes. And the achievement you feel when you get better at it will be so thrilling!
Know healing won’t be linear
Healing is never linear. Some days you will be at your optimistic best. Some days, you will feel like all the progress you made is getting reversed. You will take two steps forward and two steps back. Then you will take four steps forward and one step back. And this will happen until you are only moving forward. So being optimistic is a process and you will get there...