Do breakups hurt more during the festive season?

Breakups are never easy. But they are almost never an overnight phenomenon. People break up way before they actually do, right? You start talking a little less—and that strangely doesn’t bother you. And when you do talk, the disconnect between you is more evident than the camaraderie ever was. You begin to feel irritated about little things and soon, you start wondering what life will be like if you were single or with someone else. There, you’ve already checked out. Sometimes, we are in denial that we are out of love or that we don’t see ourselves with them. And we push ourselves to stay a bit longer, consuming the toxicity of an expired relationship.

Sometimes, the breakup can seem like the relief you feel when you unhook your bra at the end of a long day. Sometimes, it may come as a shock like when a band-aid is ripped off. And sometimes, it happens that you were not ready to let go of whatever you were holding on to—be it the feeling of being loved or the person you loved.

Breakups feel terrible—but do they hurt more or feel worse during the festive season? Let’s find out.

Holidays, capitalism and singlehood

Be it Diwali, Holi, Christmas or New Year’s—love and romance are shown as an important part of the festivities. The movies show you love stories beginning during holidays, advertisements tell you how you should gift something great to your partner and travel companies start pitching couple getaways. Even when you go to a restaurant alone, they assume someone’s joining you.

Karishma Chiplunkar, a Mumbai-based yoga instructor says, “I am not single but my partner lives in the U.S. So even though I am in a relationship, I don’t really do the conventional romantic things that the world expects you to, during festivals. For instance, this Diwali, my partner and I dressed up and spoke on a video call, and that’s all. Having said that, when I see couples spending holidays together, I feel a little sad about not being with my partner.”

Clearly, holidays make you feel compelled to have a partner present with you; even though that is an urge I (and several self-help books) strongly recommend overcoming as much as you can. 
“We miss sharing our happiness with our loved one, dressing up and doing something interesting together—be it cooking or hosting/attending a party. Basically, during the festivities, people miss taking these small efforts and having someone to share it with,” explains relationship counsellor, Shravya Kumar.

Breakups and social media

Social media has become a huge part of our lives—and before you can announce your breakup to someone, your social media behaviour lets people know. When my cousin was dating this person she was crazy about, he was all over her Instagram. Posts, stories and corny comments were enough to make their relationship Insta-official. What happens when people break up? They erase the remnants of their lost love, almost like undoing the memories they made, at least on the internet where they still can. And while you are going Marie Kondo on your feed, you are bombarded with a thousand pieces of audio-visual content from people who are in the stark opposite phase. They are drowning in love hormones and ensuring that enough of it is spilling onto your algorithm.

Of course, you should be happy for them and then go ahead and cleanse your palate by bingeing on some good ol’ crime documentaries. The point is, social media comes alive with love during the festive season and while it shouldn’t, it often does end up hurting your aching heart. “Social media these days is playing such a major role in making people feel their lives is miserable and others' lives, especially the ones who are dating, are much better. During festivals, people want to experience happy hormones but if you have had a breakup recently, then anxiety kicks in and you start feeling low on energy. You are more susceptible to get into a hyper-anxious state or even depression,” Kumar points out.

Rising above social pressure of year ends

This is the trickiest time of the year, for those who are single and those in a relationship. If you are single, this is also the official season for weddings, when you have a bunch of invites to sangeets, where nosy relatives will want to know your intentions for getting married. Apart from couples celebrating festivals, you will see couples getting married and many people during such times end up ruminating over their lives—and getting all entangled in existential worries.

Couples, too, feel a strain on their relationships because of the existing issues combined with festivities-related stressors. Studies say that a huge number of breakups happen during holidays and somehow, a big number of rebounds do as well. “I started dating my partner earlier last year but after spending Diwali with them, I just didn’t feel it. The issues were already there but just spending an important day with them, and not liking it made me rethink the relationship. In December, I was out. I was single during New Year’s and I did miss having someone but I also didn’t. I want to be happy—with someone or with myself,” expresses Meghna, a 28-year-old finance professional.

And while breakups pinch a little more during the festive season, practising being independent and self-sufficient will help—not just as a single person but also in relationships. Spend time with people you love or just enjoy some ‘me time’ unapologetically. You don’t have to give in to the demands of capitalism or social media. 

While the festivities are often opportunities for partying and getting together with friends, actively take time out to heal and in the right way. Journaling will help you identify and manage your emotions. "A few years ago, when I broke up, I was in very bad shape. I thought we'd get married and his parents said no and he didn't try to convince them. I was shattered. But I took all that negativity and threw it out of my system. I started practising new art forms. I worked out. I attended emotional healing workshops. Today, I am a whole new person and while the breakup was painful, I really love how it changed me," Sneha, a 31-year-old techie explains.

We will go through so many ups and downs in life, but remember, there is absolutely nothing that is worth ruining your mental health over. If it feels too much, disconnect and heal. Visit a therapist, if you must.